i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
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take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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