I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
third nipple confirmed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
