And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
