Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
