I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
