I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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