youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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