Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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