when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
