Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
