my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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