ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
