I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
