his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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