His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
