Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
