he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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