Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
