Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
