Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
