I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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