i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize