remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
