i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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