yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
