some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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