why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
