theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
