Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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