perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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