all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
