Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
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