I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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