I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
