Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
