I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
