my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
