I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
