She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
a search helicopter?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
