Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
