i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
