Me too!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
