wat bout pragnant strippers??
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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