She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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