um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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