I'm going to jail i love you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
