I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
