i just sent this text using only my big toe
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
