I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
