After last night, I could never be a politician.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
