i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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