don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
