i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
