i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
