I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
