I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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