Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
