it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
