ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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