Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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