he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
