She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
