I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
